Bible, Encouragement, Faith, Family, Reflection

Reflection

Good Morning Loves,

How are each of you this morning? How was your weekend? Are you aiming to have a productive week?

Morning is going well for me since I sent my children off to school with positive energy of course. My weekend was productive. I’m aiming to have a great week and to get much accomplished. I also pray for a miracle to happen as well, but only God knows when the timing is right. All that matters is I continue to wait patiently with the right attitude.

Yesterday evening after I got home from a harvest party, I was feeling sad because I was waiting on a special phone call. I always look forward to the calls because it brings me motivation and happiness. It wasn’t every day I was looking forward to the phone call, but yesterday was the day that I really needed the phone call. When I realized there wasn’t going to be a phone call, I became sad and went in my kitchen to find some food to comfort me. Truth be told I overeat when I’m emotionally overwhelmed. I ended up eating just an apple with Nutella instead of some junk food.

While eating my apple, my birthday toddler who had just turned 2 years old yesterday all the sudden came up to me and said “Mommy give me hug”. Wow! I was blown away and held her so tight as if I didn’t want to let go. After letting her go, she went in the living room to watch her little tv show. I was thinking “It’s her birthday and she’s making me feel better when I’m feeling down.” I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t because I don’t cry in front of my children. I went back to eating my apple so I can contain myself. My little one comes back around giggling and says “Mommy give me hug”. I laughed and gave her a hug back to back. I said to myself that she was my angel. She felt that my energy was off no matter how hard I tried to cover it up. But in the same manner, I felt like it was God hugging me through her telling me that everything will be okay. I know I used to always question God how come He doesn’t come down from the heavens to give me a hug. But here I am embracing the hug. Keep in mind when you receive a hug unexpectedly during a time you really needed it, know that was God hugging you telling you that everything will be okay.

After all the children went to sleep, I decided to look at some family pictures since the holidays are approaching. I stared at my mom’s picture for a long time and cried asking God to please let her visit me in a dream. It’s been a year and five months since she’s been gone from this life. Still feels like yesterday when I got the sad news. I miss hearing and making her laugh. I laughed as well thinking of her. I honestly wished she was here with me in this new state. It’s still hard to believe she’s gone because she was so young only 47 years old.

I also took time to read my old foster care records and I honestly don’t know what was the reason for me wanting to read it again. I saw that I’ve came a long way struggling with depression, adjustment disorder with anxiety, poor writing and vocabulary, etc. I realized it served as a reminder to me that God has brought me through and He is still not done with me. There is more work to be done as He bring about complete transformation within me. I also read that I have such strong loyalty to my biological family and I still do to this day, but they don’t have that loyalty to me. All I wanted was family but they couldn’t give me that. I can’t blame them because they had their own issues going on. But even when I had my own issues going on I still came thru for them, how come they couldn’t do the same for me. Sounds like I’m still trying to paint that picture of how my family supposed to be like helping one another and being supportive of one another with each of our business endeavors. I need to stop and accept it for what it is and focus on my children and significant other. They are my family who loves me and I love them as well.

No matter what I went through in life, I know everything happens for a reason. I know God Loves me for the Bible tells me so. God hears my cries and He counts all my tears. I know a rainbow 🌈 is on its way. But in the mean time I just have to push through and continue to do my work.

I share this message with you all that you are not alone in your feelings. I share my life story because there is no such thing as perfect life. Stop wishing that you have what the next person have. It is a sin. The Bible says do NOT covet against our neighbors. What they have may not be for you and vice versa. Lastly you don’t know what they had to go through to get there. I didn’t decide to have this blog for no reason. It’s my outlet and to be able to document my journey to the promise land. No journey is easy but it’s well worth it. I would advise you to document your journey as well whether it’s writing in your notebook, recording yourself, etc so that you can take a moment to reflect back as well as to share with your children and others that success does not come easy. It takes hard work and dedication. Be honest as well such as documenting emotional turmoils that you had to go through prior to getting to the promise land. You needed to leave things behind in the wilderness because they can be toxic to you and your environment in the promise land. You want to be able to be fruitful and multiply your blessings.

Until the next post, stay encouraged and trust and believe that everything will work itself out. The hardest part of the journey is only temporary, but don’t give up!!

Kamil

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