Good Evening Loves,
How is everyone today? How was your Sunday? Did you cook, relax, catch up on some sleep, etc?
I feel great after catching up on some much needed sleep. I relaxed all day today and it felt so good. I was emotionally exhausted from a two day convening that I had went to in Washington DC on November 8th and 9th. I wanted to write in my blog while I was in Washington DC to share my experiences, but unfortunately that couldn’t be accomplish because I was so overwhelmed with the amount of wisdom that was poured into me. I never thought I would cry even when I was trying to refrain from crying by telling myself it’s okay, I got this, but the tears just kept falling. I’m going to share with you WHY the tears kept coming.
First and foremost crying is not a sign of weakness. It simply means you’ve been strong for so long that it’s time to give yourself a break and exhale. Crying is good for the soul. It’s like a cleanse to get rid of what you’ve been holding onto for so long. Crying is also a way to communicate how we feel when we are lost for words. Crying have many languages and it’s up to us to distinguish between each crying language. Think of newborn babies. All they do is cry, but we learn to understand what their cries meant.
While I was on the plane to Washington DC for the very first time to attend the business convening, I had an expectation. My expectation was to be open to receiving wealth of wisdom from presenters who will be speaking. Not only that I wanted to continue to break through barriers as I bring my business to fruition. I had an expectation to be welcomed, accepted, loved, etc because I’m being surrounded by people who were former foster youths (Alumni). I didn’t want to have any negative experience because it was already hard enough getting to Washington DC with limited support. I was determined to go on this trip because it was a part of my healing process. And guess what I got there despite so many no’s from family and friends that I was very loyal to. I didn’t get mad, instead I just said okay, thank you and proceeded to make additional phone calls for back up in case my sister didn’t keep her commitment to keep my daughters. Anyhow my sister kept her commitment and I was surprised.
Day one of the convening was phenomenal. The workshops were on point. However, there were a few activities that my Alumni siblings and I had to do that caused us to do some soul searching. One of the activity was a trigger for me in which I was to acknowledge three limited beliefs that we have regarding ourselves.
I want you to take a moment, grab a pen and paper to write and think about three unlimited beliefs that you have regarding yourself. Then ask yourself what impact does your beliefs have on your attitude. Now think about what behaviors that go hand in hand with those same beliefs you’ve listed. Lastly what evidence have you collected that reinforces your beliefs?
Here’s an example of one of my unlimited beliefs; I believed that I could not talk, despite the fact I talk perfectly fine with some minor articulations. I held onto that because my ex-husband who had died Jan of this year always bullied me that I couldn’t talk and hear. I believed him and I allowed him to bring my self-esteem down. He had that much control over me and how I viewed myself even after we had had divorced. The impact of that belief it had on my attitude caused me to view less of myself. My behaviors of being quiet, refusing to talk unless someone calls my name and being antisocial went hand in hand with my belief. The evidence I’ve collected that reinforced my belief was I continuing to be mute, canceling my speaking engagements and not sharing my knowledge when I should be. I cried writing that belief down because it still controlled me. It was like I could hear this dead man echoing in my ears telling me, I can’t talk! It was so frustrating and I wanted to break free from him and that dead weight!! And that’s exactly what I did at that workshop because I reminded myself that I came with an expectation to release everything out of me so I could receive the wisdom that was being poured into me. As I begin to release this baggage, my Alumni siblings were there to support and encourage me. I really felt the love. I felt so good to release it.
Later on that night we had a paint and sip event in which were to paint a picture of how we felt at the moment.
I drew this picture of how I felt at the moment. The three trees stand for “I love Kamil”. The different color leaves 🍁 symbolizes my emotions as I go through change. The leaves that are falling down are pieces of my mask falling off in the pond for me to see as a reflection of myself and what I’ve been through. This picture will always serve as a reminder of my breakthrough. My mask is finally coming off. It will no longer be my defense mechanism. I will allow myself to be vulnerable!!
Day Two is in the next blog post, No Pain No Gain Pt 2.
Stay true to yourself. Work through your pain or else you will keep dealing with it for the rest of your life without getting any closure to forgive yourself for allowing your pain to control you. I expected my ex husband to apologize to me while he was still alive. Unfortunately that didn’t happen instead he had apologized to me a few months after he had passed when he came to visit me in a dream. At that time, I thought I had closure, but I didn’t because the belief of I couldn’t talk kept resurfacing. I challenge each of you to face your beliefs that have a negative affect on you. Attack it and be opposite of the belief. As for me, I have to remind myself that I can talk!!
Good Night Loves