Deferred Plan

The knocking continues…..knock, knock, knock. Christina looking at me confused wondering why I told her not to open the door. The truth of the matter is, my long time ex-fiance is knocking on the door. I thought I had gotten over him and promised myself to never speak of him again nor I wanted to see his face ever again. But here he was knocking on my door for the fifth time which seemed like a broken record tired of repeating itself.

My stomach is so knotted up, because I still have feelings for this man, but he broke me so bad to the point of no return so I thought. I honestly don’t have a plan, because I don’t know what to do or what to feel. I don’t know if I should just yell at him and slam the door in his face, but I wouldn’t want him to see me bitter. Or should I just play cool as if what he did never bothered me. Ugh!! What should I do? I whispered to Christina and told her it was ex-fiance, Jaleel at the door. Christina yelled “What!!? Girl what you whispering for? Let that loser know how he has hurt you behind him leaving you to be with a low-class female!” Before I could even say anything, Christina opened the door with her hands on her hip and a smirk on her face, “What do you want?”

Hi Christy, I was just coming by to see if Joyce was home. “Listen Jaleel, don’t call me Christy, because we are not cool. Yes, Joyce is here, but you have a lot of nerve to be coming over here the way you pull that stunt on her” responded Christina. “Thank you Christina. I take it from here. What do you want Jaleel” I asked him as Christina headed to the kitchen. Hey Joyce, I know what I did was foul, but I wanted to come by to apologize to you. “Apology accepted and don’t show your face here ever again or I’ll call the police” I said as I aim to close the door in his face. He pushed the door opened and said “I’m not done. Congratulations on your speech. It really touched home. Can you please give me another chance or at least can we be friends? I don’t want us to have any negative energy towards each other.”

Listen Jaleel, thanks for the congrats. Of course the speech touched home for both of us. But the difference between you and I is that I refused to become the product of my circumstances or my past. You always have some excuse of how your experience in foster care has affected you to be a selfish and controlling person. That’s you refusing to deal with the issue at hand. There is nothing wrong with going to counseling. I did it and it has helped me tremendously. I will not allow you to continue to hurt me again and again. You don’t love me, because love does not do that. And you don’t love yourself! I’m not saying anything wrong to you, because I know how powerful words are. Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life is in the power of the tongue. And those who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it.” My words are life to you which is to go get some help so you can heal!

I then closed the door in his face, surprised at what I actually said to him. I didn’t know what to say, the words just came right out. I actually feel relieved and started walking to the kitchen where Christina was. Christina smiled and said “Girl you handled that like a pro. You better than me. I would’ve been flying off the handle with my finger and God knows what”! I laughed and replied “Yea I did not know how I was going to handle that after all he took me through. I wasn’t sure if I had gotten over him. But girl let me have a glass of wine!” “Alright girl I’m the bartender and I’m going to pour you a nice glass of wine” laughed Christina as she walked over to the fridge to get the wine and two glasses.

Here my mind goes again wandering and worrying about this dude. I’m hoping that Jaleel is thinking about getting some help. Why do I care about people so much? Why am I so loyal? I guess its all behind foster care. I know what it’s like to be alone and to not have anyone. While sipping this wine, I’m trying to keep up with Christina as she talks my ears off. I’m honestly grateful for her, because we’ve been through some stuff together in foster care and still remain tight to this day. She’s my sister for life. “Joyce! Joyce? Girl are you evening listening to me” asked Christina. Christina you know I’m always listening to you when you babble your mouth off I said to her as I’m taking a sip of my wine. “Well it feels like you zoned out on me? What is it? You feeling guilty?” she asked. “Nah, I feel good. But I have a confession” I replied with a smirk on my face.

Stay tuned Loves! Continue to be encouraged, uplifted, and of sound mind. Continue to make 2019 your best year in other words live your best life!



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